About Me

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I am a full-time mama with a passion for writing and talking to fascinating people. I live in a one horse town with a Cowboy and my son. Thank Lord for cyberspace! I lived a colourful life in Sydney for a number of years. Working in advertising and journalism for FPC and the Sydney Morning Herald. During my time in Sydney I competed in a Dragon Boat race, choreographed a dragshow, used the Share Accomodation advertisements as a way to meet men and was told by Noiseworks frontrunner Jon Stevens that I was a bitch! Then came the decision to move back to country for 3 months to help out my Father with newspaper business while he was having treatment. Convinced I was a city girl I was caught by surprise when I fell in love with a farmer (and no, he didn't want a wife... still doesn't it seems!) convinced him that we needed to see the world, popped off to Vietnam to teach english in Saigon - before realising that the "food" in Nam didn't agree with me... turned out to be Monte - my son who is now with the Cowboy and I back in country NSW! I am in a wonderful stage of my life where I am focusing on the things that really make me tick. Including writing these chronicles.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Waking Beauty

Today I feel a pang of emptiness and the world seems grey. This is part and parcel of the Motherhood experience, right?
Awake all night even before the Rooster?
Viewing the world through foggy lenses and a muddled head is what a Mother expects to experience but dreads with all her might.
I am starting to wonder if I might feel a little better accepting this rather than fighting it.
Today my vision is clouded following a wakeful night with my son. He has taken to clinging to me like an orangutan in the night hours.
If I try to deliver him back to his cot he tightens his grip and burrows his monkey-head into my shoulder pleading with me not to leave him.
I cannot find the strength to leave him alone screaming in his cot, so  I lie awake as he drapes across my body and sleeps - scared to move a muscle.
It reminds me of the years before baby when I used to have a cat that draped luxuriously across my double bed while I scrunched in a corner.

Your comfort comes first, your Majesty

There is no doubt about it, being tired is hard.
When tired the world looks different. Patience is tested,  reactions exaggerated, the drama of small things magnified.
"You need to get sleep in order to be a better mother"
Ideally, yes!
But this is like the mirage in the dessert. I think Motherhood is easier if we stop running so hard to reach the imaginary puddle of water...

rest of the story here 


  1. Respect and Consistency ... Your son can't see the world in all its glory with his head buried into your shoulder ... What a shame that would be ! ... Consistency of what is today will be tomorrow ... He will survive in his own bed !

    Thinking of you my friend.

  2. I had same problem with my son, Im from a family of ten, my mums advise was to stay strong through those weak moments of tiredness,she said one lapse will put all the hard work back to the begining, she was right.
    one of the things i did was to put his favourite, familiar things around him, he chose what he wanted in his room, i continually told him 'mummy would never let anything hurt him and i would always be here' i stayed strong and it soon passed. Hes now a strong independant young man that im proud of :) i some times think he may have been weak and cowering if i had relented,....Stay strong for him, make him strong enough to face this world, thats what us mums are for :) xxx

  3. Hi Sharni, I just popped over from Healing Morning to find you and say Hello! I'm not yet a Mom, but I definitely can relate to the being tired part. I'm in a transition with career that is requiring a big demand on my physical, mental and emotional energy. It is exhilarating, but it still translates at the end of each day and beginning of each new one to being really, really tired. I look forward to reading more of your work, my new friend!

    ~ Dawn

  4. Good on you! I still have to stay with my boys until they are a sleep...sometimes it annoys me but most of the time it's lovely just enjoy their smell..

    There will come a day when your kisses disturbs your boy...

    Just enjoy!

    One night he will sleep all threw and you will call the ambulance thinking his stopped breathing.


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