I am a full-time mama with a passion for writing and talking to fascinating people. I live in a one horse town with a Cowboy and my son.
Thank Lord for cyberspace!
I lived a colourful life in Sydney for a number of years. Working in advertising and journalism for FPC and the Sydney Morning Herald.
During my time in Sydney I competed in a Dragon Boat race, choreographed a dragshow, used the Share Accomodation advertisements as a way to meet men and was told by Noiseworks frontrunner Jon Stevens that I was a bitch!
Then came the decision to move back to country for 3 months to help out my Father with newspaper business while he was having treatment. Convinced I was a city girl I was caught by surprise when I fell in love with a farmer (and no, he didn't want a wife... still doesn't it seems!) convinced him that we needed to see the world, popped off to Vietnam to teach english in Saigon - before realising that the "food" in Nam didn't agree with me... turned out to be Monte - my son who is now with the Cowboy and I back in country NSW!
I am in a wonderful stage of my life where I am focusing on the things that really make me tick.
Including writing these chronicles.
Today I feel a pang of emptiness and the world seems grey. This is part and parcel of the Motherhood experience, right?
Awake all night even before the Rooster?
Viewing the world through foggy lenses and a muddled head is what a Mother expects to experience but dreads with all her might.
I am starting to wonder if I might feel a little better accepting this rather than fighting it.
Today my vision is clouded following a wakeful night with my son. He has taken to clinging to me like an orangutan in the night hours.
If I try to deliver him back to his cot he tightens his grip and burrows his monkey-head into my shoulder pleading with me not to leave him.
I cannot find the strength to leave him alone screaming in his cot, so I lie awake as he drapes across my body and sleeps - scared to move a muscle.
It reminds me of the years before baby when I used to have a cat that draped luxuriously across my double bed while I scrunched in a corner.
Your comfort comes first, your Majesty
There is no doubt about it, being tired is hard.
When tired the world looks different. Patience is tested, reactions exaggerated, the drama of small things magnified. "You need to get sleep in order to be a better mother"
But this is like the mirage in the dessert. I think Motherhood is easier if we stop running so hard to reach the imaginary puddle of water...
1)Words are Overrated
I have the most amazing interactions with my son. Sometimes "Car" is the only word exchanged 2) Babies Need Respect
Just because they are smaller and less advanced in the moving and speaking stakes they are human beings with needs, rights and personalities 3) Perspective
No matter how many times I might look in the mirror and am disappointed at what I see, there is a little boy tugging at my shirt while I put on my mascara who thinks I am the most magnificent being in the world (and if I don't mind can I pass him the mascara so he can put it in his mouth) 4) Love Conquers All
Even sleep deprivation (unfortunately) deprivation, oh I already said that ummm.. yep number 4 ummm you can function and punch out sentences that make sense even with sleep deprivation due to the love thing I mentioned 5) I'm Easily Manipulated
The cry or nagging of my son propels me into swift action - I am not sure that I will make a very good disciplinarian - he will more than likely discipline me 6)Women are Born Multi-taskers
Men are single-taskers - life will be happier if I just accept this 7) I Have An Adoring Audience on Tap
I can try out new dance moves, silly voices and songs whenever I feel like it 8)Poo Happens.
Particularly when in a rush 9) Keep it Movin'
To get over stuff quickly and to see things from another persons perspective first 10) The World is Amazing
Occassionally now I can look up at the sky with my son and gasp at the birds as if it were the first time I saw them
(Corny , I know, but true ! Unofficially number 11 is motherhood has taught me to be more of a softie than I ever thought possible)
REMEMBER I AM ONLY CUTTING AND PASTING FOR YOU PERSISTENT CHRONICLES FOLLOWERS... MOVE OVER HERE GEEZERS!!!
Relax! Most of the stuff we worry about doesn't even happen!
I used to be the ultimate worry wart.
I had a panic attack for every occasion. From financial woes to 'does my bum look big in this?' type dilemmas.
I was plagued with the 'what-ifs' and the 'what do they think of me's', I would have mini cardiac arrests about a mess in the house, an upcoming bill or the fact my hair colour was not quite the shade I was aiming for.
I barely got through a day without having to close my eyes count slowly to ten picturing calm waters and smiling Buddhas!
It was so difficult to enjoy life because rather than being in the moment, my head was compiling predictions of doom!
My alter ego "Nostri-doom-us" hung around more than I care to admit.
These days I am the opposite.
Perhaps it was one too many panic attacks or the realisation that as a Mama my son is going to take his cues on how to react to life from his parents.
Some of the things I DON'T worry about now, would make my own parent's enter cardiac arrest territory.
They actually worry about my lack of worry at times! Crazy!
I have decided to trust in the flow of life and to put my energies into the things I can do, change and things that matter.
It is with pleasure that I have compiled Swami Sharni's Guide to Five things NOT to worry about (aside from anything)
to read the Swami Lessons... please make the transition to my website.... the Chronicles is dying..... please please follow here...
Cowboy broke his wrist as many of you know, in the first 15 minutes of his first game of Rugby - he has been training for since September and is in the best fitness he has ever been in and just like that.
He has been in a lot of agony, mostly at night - sleep has not visited our abode much in the last week or two and wouldn't you know it Monte has entered a clingy stage.
He wakes in the night and I can't get him back in the cot for love, nor money, nor toy cars.
So with him clung around my neck like a monkey and Cowboy in agony with a wrist he cannot get comfortable - I have started to resemble Darth Vader.
Routine is thrown out the window and I am out of whack.
Like a crazy lady my mind ticks over with blog posts and giveaways for my website while reality bites me and I wonder if being housebound in the OHT and discovering the internet have I in fact become a little insane and obsessive....
Don't answer that, or I will moderate you to the garbage bin :-)
I wish I could solve the broken wrist but I cannot.
I know Cowboy is frustrated with it and I don't know what to do.
My Dad laughed because the first thing I said when he broke it was "Great, now he won't be able to change nappies" and I was joking.
But now, not so sure haha...
I knew I didn't like that game of football for a reason.....
I had an emotional breakdown today... like a week ago I was managing it all, so it felt and now EVERYTHING is out of control
Keeping perspective here. It is not possible to juggle it all perfectly - and perhaps these things happened to remind me what is most important - my family.
I am waiting for my A-HA moment where I figure out what my role is here and how to keep it going on.
I know its coming, I know sometimes we hit little walls where we sometimes stagnate until we learn what needs to be learnt.
Think I was so off with the fairies excited about my website that I was neglecting my two men and now it is apparent they both need me.
For writing and instant gratification it is the best medium since John Edwards.
Since launching my website last week I have had a little gander at the analyitcs of it all and am astounded where readers have stopped by from!
I was tickled pink to discover readers have stopped by from Israel (Hey Ramona) , Tonga (Hey Leanne) , Denmark (Hey Karston) , Japan, Switzerland, UK, USA, Canada, New Zealand, Turkey, Belgium and did I mention Griffith (town just nearby my own One Horse Town) ?
I'd really like to get some interaction happening here, perhaps I can put together the United Nations of Sharnanigans... hahaha
Here is a little poem in your honour:
Salutations to those in Washington and Aloha to you in Hawaii
High five to you in Minnesota and greetings to you in Malawi
Hey there UK peeps reading this from Birmingham
Whassup in Leeds and Gloucester anyone reading this from Buckingham?
Whats cookin' in Brooklyn?
What are you gobbling in Turkey?
OK this is just silly. I went off my own poem midway through it, but I reserve the right to do that.
You know what? I like to write my silly bits and put them on the Chronicles,
Is that OK? This is like my playground for ideas... methinks..
For non-silliness - I have a new competition going on over at my website - its a caption one so enter if you feel creative
Hello dear friends. The Chronicles has been taking its final puffs lately, but it is because I have upgraded to my own site..... If you are a follower here I would be really really tickled if you were to continue that follow, the way to do it on my new site is to subscribe... I am running a competition at the moment too, so you could win a book for your efforts.
Also I am not sure what to do with the Chronicles might shift it all over somehow to website, but not really sure how that is done... not ready to pull the pin on it.... though I think it can 'see the light' if you know what I mean..
I'd be chuffed if you subscribed and followed me over yonder... :-)