It has been a couple of weeks since I made mention of the fact the Princess... disappeared.
She has not returned.
I know that cats sometimes do this and then frolic back in as though they were never gone, but in my heart of hearts I think she is not coming back.
On top of the sadness I feel, I carry an enormous amount of guilt .
A voice (an unwelcome voice) in my head keeps saying that she left because all my time was taken up with Monte.
Honestly, the amount of attention and affection I used to lavish on that cat pre-Monte was just like she was a baby.
How must she have felt suddenly 2 years into her life (on the exact day of her birthday mind you ) when Monte was born and suddenly I didn't have much time for her.
I would give her a fleeting pat - but she would look at me, her eyes piercing straight through my soul whenever I was holding Monte.
I would plead with Cowboy or someone else to please pat her, love her - while I couldn't.
I hope this is not why she decided to go.
On the other hand, maybe it is better if it is.
She could be happy as larry having a holiday with someone who is able to give her the attention I currently could not.
Or is this just wishful thinking?
It is easier to deal with than thinking she has been run over, bitten by a snake, caught in a trap, poisoned...
I have been not allowing myself to go into too much thought about her, blocking my thoughts off with "She will come back" -
maybe it is time for me to start thinking otherwise.
I wrote a story when I first got her that ran in the local newspaper "My cat is a guru" - I always thought there was something spiritual, sixth sense about her.
When I went through my meditation phase - she would always appear when the OMMMMS started and she would just hang around as if attracted to the peaceful energy.
I had a very special connection with her.
I believe she came into my life for a reason
- I just hope she still has that reason and will waltz on back.
I'd be the happiest gal in this one horse town....
Oh and yes, she liked to wear dresses
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