An ode to my cat

An ode to the Princess

She chose me as her Mama

i took her home and loved her

I thought she was a boy cat

and called her boy george

She turned out to be a she

not a drag queen afterall

I loved her regardless

of her gender

She jumped up on my legs just like a dog

she liked to sleep on my head

she wanted cuddles

wasn't aloof like cats can be

when I meditated she joined in with me

When I had Monte

she got a little grumpy

stand-offish - and the cuddles started depleting

I loved her all the same

and wished I had more time to spare

to cuddle her and let her sleep on my head

But I couldn't

She disappeared one day

the last I saw was when I drove out of the driveway

and I swear she looked at me with a look that pierced through my soul

the way she glared at me in the car

when I left that day

haunts me.

It was as if she knew that it was the last time she would see me

If only I knew that

I would have cuddled my cat

gave her my head to nuzzle

her disappearance is a puzzle

I love my little cat

I really hope she knew that.

The Cat has not come back

It has been a couple of weeks since I made mention of the fact the Princess... disappeared.

She has not returned.

I know that cats sometimes do this and then frolic back in as though they were never gone, but in my heart of hearts I think she is not coming back.

On top of the sadness I feel, I carry an enormous amount of guilt .

A voice (an unwelcome voice) in my head keeps saying that she left because all my time was taken up with Monte.

Honestly, the amount of attention and affection I used to lavish on that cat pre-Monte was just like she was a baby.

How must she have felt suddenly 2 years into her life (on the exact day of her birthday mind you ) when Monte was born and suddenly I didn't have much time for her.

I would give her a fleeting pat - but she would look at me, her eyes piercing straight through my soul whenever I was holding Monte.

I would plead with Cowboy or someone else to please pat her, love her - while I couldn't.

I hope this is not why she decided to go.

On the other hand, maybe it is better if it is.

She could be happy as larry having a holiday with someone who is able to give her the attention I currently could not.

Or is this just wishful thinking?

It is easier to deal with than thinking she has been run over, bitten by a snake, caught in a trap, poisoned...

I have been not allowing myself to go into too much thought about her, blocking my thoughts off with "She will come back" -

maybe it is time for me to start thinking otherwise.

I wrote a story when I first got her that ran in the local newspaper "My cat is a guru" - I always thought there was something spiritual, sixth sense about her.

When I went through my meditation phase - she would always appear when the OMMMMS started and she would just hang around as if attracted to the peaceful energy.

I had a very special connection with her.

I believe she came into my life for a reason

- I just hope she still has that reason and will waltz on back.

I'd be the happiest gal in this one horse town....

Oh and yes, she liked to wear dresses

The People's Princess

There are some people who prattle on about their cats and it gets boring.

I know.

But please hear me out.

My cat has gone missing.

It has been 4 or 5 days since I saw her.

I need to prattle on, I am hurting.

I love her.

For the uninitiated her name is Princess Baby.

I don't know why.

She started out as "Boy George".

I then found out he was a 'she' (although same could almost be said for Boy George - could be a drag cat?? )

Her name, strangely, morphed into Princess Baby.

Sometimes Baby Girl.

Sometimes Blurt.

I won't go there. It is a family thing.

Although she has many names (which made it hard when I put an ad on the radio this morning) She is super, super special.

Not a fancy breed or anything like that.

Just a tabby cat I was given from a litter of ten.

She chose me as her Mama and then she prepared me for Mamahood.

People that saw me with her all said "I have never seen a cat like her!" - even cat haters seemed to find something to like in her.

All she wanted was to cuddle, or sleep on your head (see Cowboy's pic - someone who doesn't like cats mind you.)

She was obsessed with jumping up and cuddling me.

She wanted me to carry her everywhere.

If I was standing up she would jump up like a dog would so I would pat her!

Forget the imagery you have of cats with their arrogant independent air.

Princess Baby broke the mould.

She was a people-cat.The people's Princess if you will.

A couple of years into her life and the Little Prince (my son) was born.

Ten months into mothering a person and I admit I have felt super guilty at times.

I haven't been able to give her the cuddles that she had become accustomed to as much.

She looks at me sadly sometimes and then at the Prince with such contempt.

Now, she is... gone.

I cannot imagine how people feel when their children go missing.

I am laying awake at night wondering if she has been caught in a trap, bitten by a snake - or if she simply ran away because she was heartbroken.

I hope she is just on an adventure chasing birds and having a lovely time.

How awful is this not knowing.

(please note I jump tenses here, I don't know if she is still with us or not so forgive my grammar - I'm tense confused.)